It Finally Haappened

Finally, I got to see myself on the big screen, in a proper film.  While watching "Green Zone," with Matt Damon, I saw myself, in the background.  There's an old saying, "you wait ages for a bus, then three come along at once."  Well, I saw myself in another film, "The Infidel."  I'm clearer in there and visible several times.  I wonder when the third one will come along?  I did manage to attend the world Premier of "The Infidel," my first premier, but they didn't let me attend the after party.  Shucks!

Blogging

My regular readers have probably noticed that my once prolific blogging has, lately, slowed to almost a standstill. It's not been for lack of desire, but I am way more busy than I used to be. Also, since my car blew up, almost two years ago, getting around has become a lot more time consuming, thus using time I used to blog. I am planning on acquiring a laptop, soon. This may result in me finding more time to blog.

Small Pricks

Women should stay away from small pricks. Well, at least women who are receiving in vitro fertilization (IVF) treatments. A study in the US has found that women on IVF are 37% less likely to get pregnant, if they have acupuncture. The surprising thing, to me, is that someone thought up a study like this. Imagine some scientists sitting around the table, during a coffee break, one day, when one of them shouts, "I know how we can get a grant! Let's do a study on the effects of acupuncture on the effectiveness of IVF!" Who paid for this study?
Speaking of getting pregnant, here in Britain, people seem to say a woman "falls" pregnant, or "fell pregnant," in the past tense. I didn't know falling was involved. When children ask, "mummy, where do babies come from?" do mothers say, "well, women fall over on their stomachs, then get a swelling from hitting the ground. Inside the swelling, a baby starts growing."
The confused child then says, "but I thought the storks brought them?"
Mother thinks on her feet, then adds, "well, scientists suspect that, while the woman is fallen over and a bit stunned, the stork lays an egg in the swelling, because they think it's a neat place to make a nest." The child responds by looking at his mother like she's a nut.
Another possibility is that when British women fall over, drunk, a man realizes they are in a fit state to give in to sex. Perhaps people used to say, "she fell and got pregnant." That became shortened, over time, to "she fell pregnant." Then the cynical side of me imagines that it comes from the expression, "falling in love." "Victoria fell in love, now she's pregnant." How romantic. Nah! I wonder if the scientists will do a follow-up study, to determine the effect of small pricks on "falling" pregnant, with women who aren't on IVF? There's another grant!

Government Efficiency

In the UK, the Assets Recovery Agency was created in 2003. This government agency was given the power to seize wealth from people, even though they hadn't been convicted of any crime. Billed as a way to strike at organized crime, by confiscating assets, a new report by a committee of the House of Commons may be its epitaph. Over four years, the agency spent £65 million to seize £23 million. Thankfully, the agency is due to be shut down, next year, but it seems that the terrocrats still haven't learned their lesson. The duties will be taken over by the Serious Organised Crime Agency. Oh please, get serious! No matter how much they reshuffle the players, government is inherently inefficient.

Miss England is Angry

As everyone who's ever used Myspace knows, some people create fake profiles, pretending to be celebrities. I have no idea why anyone would want to be bothered doing that, but they do. Well, it seems that fakers have struck Miss England. The real Miss England, Georgia Horsley, is angry that there is a fake Myspace profile of her. She is outraged that the fake profile makes her seem stupid and "tarty." Her mood is described as "horny," she's listed as single, and has drinking as a hobby. Metro Newspaper quotes Horsley, a Miss World contestant, as complaining, "they have made me come across as a bit thick and a bit of a tart." Honey, you're a model and a beauty pageant contestant. Why on Earth would anyone think you were a thick tart?

Brown Bottler

Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, announced that there would be no election this autumn. After the Conservatives gained in the pools, following their party conference, cutting Labour's lead, it seems Brown is afraid the risk is too great that his party would lose. The result might have been the shortest Prime Ministership in recent memory. Conservative Party leader, David Cameron, challenged Brown to call an election, giving a confident speech at his party's conference. When Labour was ahead in the polls, party leadership seemed anxious to call an early election, but lost their nerve when the gap closed. Here, Parliamentary elections are not set, like elections are in the United States. The Prime minister has some leeway over when to call an election. Brown gave the unconvincing excuse for not calling an election that he wanted to "establish his vision for the UK," before facing a general election. What nonsense. Regular readers might remember that I wrote, earlier this year, that Gordon Brown's wife is attractive. Well, Cameron's is even hotter! These lovely women are burdened with nit wit, politicians for husbands, when they could have me. Shame.

On Your Bike

A Department for Transport survey, here in Britain, has produced some surprising results. The survey on people's bicycling habits found that the richer a person is, the more likely he is to cycle. Poor people are the least likely to cycle, even though they are more likely not to have access to a car. Ironically, since I blew the engine in my car, I have considered getting a bike. My good friend, Tom, an avid cyclist, got very excited when I discussed the possibility with him. He thinks I should get a bike. What do you think?

Phone Banking Moan

29-year-old British man, Graham O'Brien, has been refused access to his account, five times, by his bank, when he tried using telephone banking. Staff at the Halifax Bank declined to provide Mr. O'Brien access because he has a high pitched voice. The problem is his bank details are in the name of a man, but his voice is so high, bank staff think it's a woman calling. Mr O'Brien has said he felt humiliated, but I just find the whole thing funny. The Halifax have subsequently apologized.

Failing the Grade

Last week, the Qualifications and Curriculum Authority, in the UK, announced that new guidelines will be issued, under which pupils will grade each other's homework and will decide what will be asked on exams. Government ministers are studying the plan. Hopefully, they will have sense enough to give the scheme an F grade, for failure. This is the same group of dunces who announced, two months ago, that Winston Churchill would no longer be covered in history classes. Imagine that! In Britain, Winston Churchill would no longer be studied in history classes. The mind boggles. The government schools, in this country, are becoming a bad joke. Anyone who can afford to should send his or her children to private schools. I am sitting here, in front of my computer, holding my head in my hands. Never have the futures of so many been ruined by so few.

Major Media Announcement

Today, I returned from a weekend in Yorkshire. I went up there to meet with the Station Manager of a radio station. As a result of a successful meeting, I am going to have my own, weekly, radio show, starting next month. I will be doing overnight between Saturday night and Sunday mornings, on Seaside Radio, 105.3 FM, in Withensea, England. Those of you not in the local catchment area for the station will be able to listen over the internet. I am calling my show, "Night Waves" and it will consist of some talk and some music, with caller participation, as well. The talk will be somewhat humorous, very similar to my blog. Because of my trip, this weekend, there won't be a new Artist of the Week, this week. I hope to catch up by next Sunday. More details will be forthcoming when the start date of my show is confirmed.

Bluetooth Bite

For some reason, 23-year-old, Frankie Hulme, decided that it would be a good idea to run across a £170,000 Lamborghini, Murcielago, he found parked along a curb. Watched by some of his friends, one of them cleverly decided to film the drunken prank on his mobile phone. Frankie's stunt put three dents in the roof of the Italian supercar. The genius friend decided to share the clip of the stunt with friends at a pub, four days later. Unfortunately, when he sent the clip using bluetooth, everyone in the pub who had bluetooth received it. One of the people who received the clip happened to be an employee of the owner of the Lamborghini. Like a good employee, he forwarded it to his boss. The car's owner showed the clip to the police.
As a result of all this, Frankie ended up convicted of criminal damage, in Norwich Crown Court. In addition to being sentenced to 100 hours of community service, Frankie has been ordered to pay £1,000 compensation to the car's owner. Now, the bit I don't understand is why was he only ordered to pay £1,000 compensation, when he caused £20,000 in damages? In case you're feeling sorry for unemployed Frankie Hulme, the judge is letting him pay the compensation in installments of only £25 per month. I feel sorry for the beautiful car.

Sexy Science

Even though the subjects of scientific research into what humans find attractive in a mate claim that they look for partners similar to themselves, the research doesn't back that up. Scientists are saying that a study of speed dating results shows that men are attracted to beautiful women. Women, on the other hand, are attracted to blokes with money. Go figure! It's interesting that what people do seems to differ from what they say. This supports a contention I have made for years, that if you want to understand people, watch what they do, rather than going by what they say. Now that these astounding results have been published in the "Proceedings of the National Academy of Science," I guess I shall continue my pursuit of wealth. I thought women liked men who make them laugh? I suppose the best strategy is to become a rich comedian.

Fashion Police?

Do some Americans take themselves way too seriously? Well, at least certain "government officials." The latest example? One C. T. Martin, a member of the Atlanta City Council. It seems that Martin is sponsoring a proposed new law that would make it illegal to reveal even a part of one's underwear. The motive behind this legislative nonsense is to stop guys from wearing their trousers low, around their hips, and revealing the tops of their boxer shorts. However, ladies who display a part of their bra, or their thongs, would also be in violation of the proposed law. Martin has described the trend of wearing low slung trousers as an"epidemic" and a "major concern." Why's he spending so much time looking an young men's pants?
I'm the first one to agree that seeing guy's boxers showing is unattractive and I wish they would stop doing it. I also don't like when you can see a woman's thong showing above her belt line. But the solution isn't to pass yet another law. It's a fashion trend and like all others, it will change in the course of time. In a tolerant "society," one needs to not get one's knickers in a twist over other people's fashion choices, even if they are a bit repugnant. If this law is passed, people should avoid Atlanta. Just don't go there. Spend your money somewhere else and see how they like that.
In comparison, consider the attitude of people on this side of the Atlantic. To promote the opening of a new branch of the chain, Joy, a trendy clothing retailer, the company offered a free outfit to the first 25 people to turn up semi-clothed, at the new store, in the Bank area of central London. This past Thursday, passersby were treated to the sight of dozens of men and women standing in line, in their underwear. So many turned up, even though it was raining, that the shop ended up clothing 40 of them. As far as I know, nobody stressed out and no new laws were proposed as a result. The message from the British, for their American cousins? Relax. Chill out. It's only underwear.

Death and Taxes

The old saying that the only sure things are death and taxes has been taken to a new level. Apparently, Ipswich Council are planning to start charging relatives of the dead a levy of £50, on top of the cost of cremation. Money raised in this manner is supposed to pay for a new incinerator, which will give off less mercury when the dead are burned. Supposedly, about 17% of the mercury emitted in Britain comes from cremations. I've heard that people in Ipswich are just dying to pay this tax. It seems that, once again, the most popular new excuse for "governments" to steal more of your money is in the name of protecting the environment. I would stubbornly stay alive, just to deny the silly buggers the money. Taxation is theft!

Marital Bliss

Mike Moore, a Nevada Sheriff's Deputy, stopped his wife, Charlotte, who is also a Sheriff's Deputy, for driving under the influence of alcohol. Mrs. Moore then fled, so hubby called for "back-up." Charlotte was eventually arrested. The first thing I thought when I heard this story was, "I wonder what the dinner table conversation is like at their house?" There must be something odd going on in this relationship. Somehow, I suspect Mike won't be getting any from his Mrs. anytime soon. Ladies, this just goes to show you that you should never marry a cop.

Wet, Wet, Wet

Persistent rains in Britain have caused widespread flooding, this month. I've heard that the floods have even made the news in America. To all of you who asked if I was okay, I am fine. Bracknell is on high ground, so there's been no flooding here. It was nice to know that some of you were actually concerned about my well being. As the end of the month approaches, this July is set to be the wettest July on record, here in Britain. Of course, those who think they are the "government" and who desire to put their hands further into our pockets, are quick to blame the rain on "climate change."
My memory is still fairly good and I remember that last summer, we had a drought. We were banned from using our garden hoses and constantly harangued to save water. The Mayor of London, Ken (red Ken) Livingstone, even went so far as to suggest that we not flush our toilets, if we have only had a pee. He came out with this ridiculous rhyme, "if it's yellow, let it mellow...if it's brown, flush it down." Someone should flush HIM down. Last year's drought was blamed on...you guessed it..."climate change."
Drought one year and flooding the next. Is it just me, or do you get the impression that the terrorcrats will use whatever the weather is in order to justify taxing us more? I think they think we're stupid. Don't believe the hype!

Fake Big Brother Eviction

Tonight's fake "Big Brother" eviction is too close to call. I am going to predict that Charley will be the one fake evicted, although it's so close it wouldn't surprise me if Nicky was the one. In fact, I think it should be Nicky. Charley is so hated by the viewing public that I don't see the point in fake evicting her. People want to evict her for real. I think it would be much more clever to fake evict Nicky, who would go back in the house wound up from the experience.
In case you didn't know, tonight's eviction is "fake," as part of "Fake Week," on "Big Brother" series 8. The public are voting for the housemate they would like to see go through the whole eviction process, including an interview with Davina, but then be put back in the house. The "evictee" would get to see who nominated her, just like in a normal eviction interview. As I said, I think we'd get the most out of Nicky experiencing this. Charley doesn't need winding up, as she's always wound up. Also, the funniest thing I heard on "Big Brother," this week, was when Charley said, in the diary room, that she didn't understand how she ended up nominated. She is blissfully ignorant of how annoying people find her. Get a clue, love.
Non-UK/Ireland readers, I have been told that it's possible to watch our UK "Big Brother" over the internet. A young man in America called in to "Big Brother's Big Mouth," the other day, saying he watches over the net. Don't ask me how to do it. Have a fiddle around on the old computer and work it out. He also said the UK series is better than the American version. So come on, join in on all the fun.

Spicetastic!

It's finally happened! Today, after ages of rumors and denials, the Spice Girls have announced that they are getting back together. Girl Power is being recycled, although the world tour is more likely to add CO2 to the atmosphere, rather than reduce any. They are also planning to release a greatest hits album in time for Christmas. That would be a definite buy, for me. The Fab Five are one of the most successful British groups ever. They pretty much invented the girl group sub-genre of Britpop,which has led to such current successes as Sugababes and Girls Aloud. In fact, I will find it interesting to see how the Spice Girls do now, faced with the competition from the newer groups. This year, we were treated to a single with Girls Aloud and Sugababes, for Comic relief. Imagine a single with the Spice Girls and Girls Aloud. I am so pleased to have the Spices back that I may even go to see them during their tour. After all, they are spicetastic!

Silver Lining

Yesterday, I reported how Gordon Brown becoming Prime Minister cast a dark cloud over Britain. Well, they say every dark cloud has a silver lining. In this case, the silver lining has to be Gordon's wife, Sarah Brown. I think she's very attractive, much better looking than Blair's wife, Cherie. In an ironic reversal of fortune, Blair is better looking than Brown, but Blair's wife isn't particularly good looking. While Brown isn't as good looking as Blair, but his wife is much hotter than Blair's is. Of course, this brings to mind an immediate question regarding the new Prime Minister. How'd he pull her? As Eddie Murphy said in his first film, "48 Hours," "the generosity of women never ceases to amaze me." It gives plain men everywhere hope. Of course Henry Kissinger said, "power is the ultimate aphrodisiac." That could explain a lot.

Prime Time

Today, Tony Blair resigned as Prime Minister (PM) of Great Britain and Gordon Brown took over as his replacement. Appropriately, it was cloudy and rainy, most of the day. The notion that it was a dark day for Britain comes to mind. Brown has been standing in the wings, salivating over the prospect of succeeding Blair as PM for years. That alone gives me the impression that there is something wrong with him. Someone famous enough for me to forget who it was once said that people who want to be the leader should be disqualified from being the leader. In addition, there is something dodgy (a wonderful, British expression that, dodgy...it means sort of illegitimate) about him. He looks dodgy. I don't trust him. Given that all politicians are untrustworthy, Brown seems even more untrustworthy than usual. He has no charisma. As bad as Blair was, there was something likable about him. Gordon,on the other hand, seems totally unlikable. One is amazed he managed to find a woman to marry him. Brown bears keeping an eye on. You have been warned. At least he provided me with something to blog about.