Thursday, October 26, 2006

Reality to Nightmare: the Lucas Story Part 3

After Kelly Lucas got me to evict Kelley Bohland, I asked Lucas to move in with me. She agreed. At the time, I shared a house with my grandmother and mother. I had inherited two thirds ownership in the property in 1980 and moved back there in 1982. I had the whole top floor, my mother occupied the middle floor and my Grandmother had a room on the ground floor. For me, having Lucas there, with me, was living the dream. My family, however, were decidedly unfriendly towards her. While I would expect this from my mother, I was surprised to find my grandmother acting so cold and unfriendly. We all shared common areas, like the kitchen. They started a campaign of ostricizing Lucas.
When I moved back there, in 1982, my mother started cooking for me. Well, not just for me, she also cooked for my grandmother, so she basically just started making larger amounts, so there was enough for me, as well. The first thing she did was cut the amount of food she was cooking so that there wouldn't be enough for me and Lucas. She would leave a little for me, but not so much so that Kelly and I could share. I am not sure what that was supposed to accomplish, as both Kelly and I were able to cook. The result was that Lucas and I started cooking our own dinners and we left the other two to eat their stuff themselves.
The next tactic was that my grandmother would leave the dining room, where she used to hang out, as soon as Lucas came home, and go to her room. My mother already was in the habit of hiding when anyone other than me and my grandmother were around, but for my grandmother, this was a behavior I had never seen before. I felt sad about this, because Lucas was my fiancee and due to become one of the family. So far, her family had been pretty warm to me, at least her mother, step-father, and two sisters. She had a couple of cousins and an aunt who were a little cool toward me, but at least they spoke. Years later, I found out from my mother what the problem was. She had convinced herself that Lucas had only started being receptive to me after I had inherited two thirds ownership of the house. My mother and grandmother convinced themselves that Lucas was after the house and only pretending to love me to achieve that end. Of course they ignored the fact that the dates didn't match. I inherited in 1980 and Lucas re-established contact in 1985. Besides, after she got back in touch, I was the one doing the pursuing.
My mother refused to meet Lucas and hid whenever she was in the house. In fairness, my mother did this with every one of my girlfriends and only met Kelley Bohland accidentally. Once my mother met Kelley, she went completely the other way and became overly friendly with the girl. That was another thing my mother had against Lucas, blaming her for pressuring me to evict Kelley. My mother is a bit eccentric and one of her habits was to put the radio, or television, on at high volume, so she could hear it in several rooms, as she moved around. One day, Lucas came home and, of course, found no one around. When my mother heard Lucas' key in the lock, she would have hidden. Unfortunately, my mother left the TV turned up loudly. Lucas walked in, heard the TV blaring and saw no one watching it, so she turned it down. This set my mother off and she ran over and started shouting at the poor girl. Meanwhile, I am upstairs, on the top floor. Suddenly, I heard shouting downstairs. I ran down to investigate and found my mother shouting at Lucas. I instantly jumped in between them and told my mother, "don't speak to my fiancee that way!" At this, my mother went away, back into hiding. Lucas and I went upstairs. She said she was surprised I took her side. I explained to her that she's my fiancee and I will defend her against any attacker, even my own family.
Kelly Lucas is the second woman I have lived with. The first, Kelley Bohland, was very easy going and basically did whatever I said. Lucas, alternatively, had all sorts of "rules" and policies that she expected to be complied with. One of the main ones was that all chores had to be shared, fifty-fifty. I remember this being particularly unpleasant when it came to doing the laundry. We didn't have a working washing machine in the house, so we had to use a laundromat. Under Lucas' policy, the laundry would only get done when both of us could attend the laundromat, together. I had taken a job in nuclear security, as I wasn't making enough from teaching flying, and reduced my teaching to only part time. I worked afternoon and evenings and on weekends. My days off were during the week. Meanwhile, Lucas was still working as an art director at a big, New York ad agency. She worked Monday through Friday and was off weekends. Because of our work schedules, the only time we could find that we could do laundry together was early Sunday morning, before I left for work. I found this frustrating, as it was time we could have been having fun together. To me, we should just take turns and whomever was available do it while the other is at work. It's funny how a little thing can eat away at you. Later on, one of my professors from university suggested a simple solution. We could pay for a service wash. It's a pity that neither Lucas, nor I, thought of this. For years, after Lucas and I split up, I paid for service washes, thus avoiding the hassle of sitting in a laundromat. At the time I was living with Lucas, the frustration led to some arguments She had this habit of threatening to move back to her parents, when we would argue. Several times, I left for work on a weekend while her bag was packed, sitting on the floor at the end of the bed. I would end up working an entire shift not knowing if she would be there when I got home. However, every time I came home, she was still there.
Around this time, People Express, one of America's first no-frills airlines, started offering some really cheap airfares. I suggested that Lucas and I take advantage of them. We flew to San Francisco and visited my friend, Mike. Lucas' jealousy and insecurity started to really show, when she made a fuss over Mike and I eyeing a woman crossing a street. We flew to Houston and visited one of her cousins, who wanted to see if I was suitable for her. We flew to Atlanta and drove to Alabama, to visit some distant cousins of mine. When we returned from that trip, we discovered that Lucas' grandmother had died, while we were away. This upset Kelly very much and she blamed me for taking her away, saying she had missed seeing her grandmother one last time, before she died, because she was away with me. Because of this, she refused to go with me to Florida, so I went on my own.
While in Florida, I reflected on all the conflicts Lucas and I were having. Over the years since I first fell for Lucas, she hadn't changed. The problem was, I had. I kept growing and evolving, over the seven years. When I first met her, at university, I tried to behave in a way that she would like. By the time we got engaged, I had developed my own, strong personality and no longer wanted to behave to please someone else. I wanted to live to please myself. I decided to push back our wedding date another year, to give us time to settle our frictions. After I returned, while visiting her parents, her step-father started an argument with me. I noticed that Lucas didn't come to my defense, the way I did when my mother was shouting at her.
Kelly and I were due to take another trip, together, to Syracuse one weekend, where we had originally met. We had been invited to visit a friend of hers and I wanted to attend an event at Syracuse University. We were due to fly from Newark airport, on People Express, on Saturday. Saturday morning, while getting ready to leave for the airport, Kelly announced she isn't going. This led to yet another argument. I was very pissed off that she pulled this right when we were supposed to be going to the airport. In the course of arguing, she repeated her habitual threat to move back to her parent's. I was frustrated and said something that was to have profound repercussions. I said to her, "then why don't you actually go instead of just threatening to?" Her eyes widened in shock, then she said she would. I went on the trip alone and she moved out, while I was away.


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