Sunday, October 22, 2006

Watching TV With the Exotic Flower

At 9PM tonight, I went downstairs to watch a film on Sky and have dinner. As I walked down the stairs, I heard noise coming from the lounge and the lights were on. Downstairs, I discovered M1 and his exotic flower of a girlfriend watching Sky. They had "The X Factor" on. I felt very annoyed about this, because to date, M1 hasn't paid any money towards the Sky bill, despite agreeing that he would, when he moved in. I decided I didn't want to cause a scene in front of his lovely girlfriend, so I would wait till we are alone to confront him over it. Either he starts paying, or I will start removing the viewing card, when I am not watching it.
Earlier, I had asked M1 to remove his clothes from the indoor clothes line, in our utility room. He'd done wash yesterday and they would be dry now. Because it's rained all weekend, I can't hang my laundry outside, as I usually do. He claimed the clothes weren't dry yet, but I felt some of the shirts and they were dry. I told him that if he'd remove the ones that are dry, that would make enough room for me to use. As I hadn't done my wash yet, I told him he could do it in a couple of hours. Even the heaviest items should be dry by then, as they have been hung up for 24 hours. Now, several hours later, I go in the utility room and he's not removed any of the clothes. I feel them and they are all dry. I moved most of them and hung them on the door handles.
After hanging up my wash, I started cooking dinner. I decided to make the Marks and Spencer scampi and chips, which I got free, ten days ago. "The X Factor" ended, and I heard M1 and the Exotic Flower flipping through music video channels. After putting my dinner in the oven, I went into the lounge and asked them if I could watch a program, if they weren't watching anything in particular. They handed me the remote. I checked the film I wanted to watch, hoping that it would be on "multi-start," so I might catch it from the beginning, but it wasn't. I flipped through the channels, but didn't see anything I particularly wanted to watch. I chucked them the remote and told them to watch whatever they wanted. My film plans for the night were ruined.
The Exotic Flower started talking to me, as is her habit. As I headed back into the kitchen to put the rest of my dinner in the oven, I called out to her, "I don't even know your name." She told it to me. Well, I'm not telling YOU, to protect her privacy. I made a joke about her I am sure she's heard a million times before. I thought that if I sat down in the lounge with them, to eat my dinner, maybe they would go upstairs. I sat in my usual seat and began eating my dinner. They stayed. M1 had "Hogan Knows Best," on. From her comments, it seemed that her taste in TV and his don't match. The Exotic Flower started flipping through the music video channels again. She came across "Black Hole Sun," by Soundgarden and I asked her to leave it on, as I like that song. M1 complained that he didn't like it. It seems he only likes gangsta rap and hip hop. The Flower ridiculed him for not liking rock. These two are so mismatched, it's sickening. She complained she was hot, as M1 was laying on her. She undid the tie to this little robe-like top she was wearing. Don't worry, she had a pajama top on, underneath. She complained that M1's head was heavy. Of course it is, he's got a big, hard head. She shifted his head so that it wasn't crushing her left breast.
M1 wanted to watch "Pimp My Ride," at 10PM. The Flower wanted to watch some "Sweet 16" show. She walked to the toilet, attired in pajamas and slippers. Based on her visible panty line and the panties I saw her in yesterday, she doesn't seem to wear thongs. That's cool. I don't like thongs that much, anyway. After she and I endured M1's "Pimp My Ride," she took the remote again and switched to the channel showing "Sweet 16," but it was ending as well. She complained that M1 had made her miss her program. She then began surfing the music channels again. I asked her if she had heard the new Girls Aloud song, "Something Kinda Ooooh." She said no, so we hoped to see the video. The Flower then complained that no Pussycat Dolls videos had been shown, this evening. She said Nicole from PCD was beautiful. I pointed out that Nicole was too thin. M1 began complaining that various pop singers had boob jobs. He then let slip that the flower wanted a boob job. I asked her why she would want to mess with her breasts. She said that she kept seeing so many porn stars with big breasts. "What are you doing looking at porn stars?" I asked. The Flower informed me that she likes porn. I pointed out that my evil ex-wife, the Black Queen, didn't like porn. The Flower laughed at my pet name for my ex-wife and asked me about what went wrong in our marriage. I explained that BQ had betrayed me and broken her wedding vows. She asked me if the BQ had cheated. I told her, "no." The flower then stated that in most marriage break ups, infidelity is involved and it's more often the woman than the man. Where does she get her information? M1 chirped in, "will you cheat on me?"
"You mean when we get married?" Oh no, surely she won't marry this git. "It depends on the guy," she explained. I noticed that he kept making uncomplimentary comments about her. At one point he referred to her as stupid. Why does she put up with this crap? In response to one comment by him, she said, "no sex for you, tonight." When he didn't seem bothered, she asked, "have you not recovered from what I did to you, earlier?" Can't he even keep up with this little sexual dynamo? "Even though he's older than me, I am the older person in the relationship," she informed me. Of course you are, he's a boy.
"They say girls mature faster than boys," I replied. M1 started moaning that he was tired and had to go to work Noon. "Noon? That's thirteen hours from now. I need to be at work by 7:30AM, for Pete's sake," I chided. What a lightweight. M1 got up and announced he was going to bed. Would the Flower stay and watch TV alone with me?
After a moment of hesitation, she got up and said, "I'm being forced to go to bed."
As I watched her walk to the stairs, I called after her, "you've made your bed, now you have to lay in it."


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