Happy New Year, Pigs!

Today is the first day of the Chinese new year and this year is the year of the pig, in Chinese astrology. The Chinese celebrate New Year for fifteen days. Man, what a party! The year I was born in is also a year of the pig, so is this year going to be a good one for me? The largest Chinese New Year celebrations outside of China are being held in Chinatown, in London, today. I would have liked to attend, but I couldn't be bothered traveling into London, today. I heard a Suzanna Kwok speaking on the radio, about the festivities in Chinatown. I wonder if she's related to Burt Kwok, the Chinese actor? She could be his granddaughter. I politely requested that Opal Bonfante, who claims to be dating Burt Kwok, ask him to introduce me to a Chinese gal, but Opal declined.
Why does all this Chinese New Year stuff matter to me? Well, for much of my life, I have been fascinated by all things Oriental. I have visited China and my evil ex-wife, the Black Queen was half Chinese. Her mother was from Hong Kong. As she was closer to her mother than to her English father, she tended to embrace a lot of Chinese cultural stuff. If we were still married, we'd be attending a Chinese New Year dinner at her mother's. I checked the compatibility between my evil ex-wife and I, under Chinese astrology, online. She is a tiger. I found the following on AOL:
"This is a warm and spiritual union, between two people who place importance on love, and know how to both give and receive it. You even share an equality of passionate response. As a couple, you mutually dislike tension and upset to your peace and quiet, and so it is rare for you to disagree with each other. You are successful, but money doesn't seem to be a major focus in your relationship."
Rare for us to disagree? Sounds like they have the wrong couple. We "share an equality of passionate response?" The Black Queen claimed we had nothing in common. I should have shown her this when we were still married. I guess it just goes to show that Chinese astrology is bunk, just like all other types of astrology. Why couldn't I have been something cool, like a tiger or a dragon? I would have to be a pig. Now I feel like lighting off a firecracker.