Friday, September 29, 2006

Why Does She Talk To Me?

The lock to the front door of my house sticks. You have to jiggle the key in it to get it to unlock. I was sitting downstairs, watching TV. After watching "The Charlotte Church Show," I noticed that "Curb Your Enthusiasm" was on More 4. So, I start watching "Curb" and I'm about ten minutes into the program when I here a scrabbling noise at the door. Someone is trying to open the door and is having trouble with the lock. We all do. I figured it was one of my two housemates, either S1 or M1.
Usually, when I am in this situation, I just sit there and whomever it is eventually opens the door. For some strange reason, tonight, something comes over me and I get up to let the person in. I open the door and, to my surprise, it's M1's girlfriend. What, has he given her a key now? Where's M1? He's nowhere in sight. She thanks me for letting her in and heads upstairs to the toilet. I go back to watching the tele. In a few minutes, she's comes clomping back down the stairs. She opens the front door and steps outside. The door doesn't close and I hear talking. After a few moments, she comes back in, walks into the lounge doorway and starts speaking to me. "My family are planning..." What? Oh no, don't tell me they are coming here for some sort of party or something. " visit Los Angeles, next year." Thank goodness! They aren't coming to the house.
I look away from the TV and say, "Los Angeles? That's in America." I look back at the TV screen. M1's girlfriend is gorgeous. One of her parents is from the Seychelle Islands and the other is from Spain. She has wavy, long brown hair, tanned skin, and dark brown eyes. Semi-short, she has a very curvy figure. This girl is a Ferrari and she seems mismatched with M1, as he's definitely a Ford kind of guy. For some reason, whenever I encounter her, she seems to try to have a conversation with me. This time was no exception. Not content to let me watch the television program I am trying to watch, she mentions something about having some friends in Canada, who are going to advise her family what parts of LA to see. Then she starts talking about New York City and her impressions of it, from when she visited there. According to her, my accent still seems strongly New York, so she asks how long I have lived in England. "Only eight years," I say, returning my gaze to the TV. She thinks that's a long time and is surprised that my accent is still strong. "I don't want to stop sounding like I sound," I inform the young beauty. She says she probably won't be joining her family on the trip to LA. When I ask why not, she tells me that she and M1 are planning on going on a holiday to Spain. The problem is, M1 wants to go to Magaluf, in Majorca, while the beauty wants to take him to Barcelona, where she lived for a time. It's then she tells me she is half Spanish. "Which half, right or left?" I ask. Ignoring my joke, she tells me which parent is from Spain. I don't even remember now and this only happened less than an hour ago. Who cares? I am missing my program. If only she had a sister for me.
"I've been to Barcelona," I offer. "He should go with you to Barcelona, as that's part of where you are from." What is this chavish boy doing with such an exquisite, exotic flower? He wants to go to Magaluf, instead? As she says, it's not "real Spain," it's a tourist trap, which is more British than Spanish. This boy has no class and isn't very clued in. In he walks. "Go to Barcelona with her," I shout to him. Gosh, he looks so chavish. She suggests that maybe they will go to Magaluf and Barcelona. He says he'll only spend a day in Barcelona. Finally, they leave and I notice I have missed the middle of "Curb Your Enthusiasm." Larry David wore a condom inside out and caused his wife's vagina to go numb, and I missed it. Why does that girl always talk to me? Well, I suppose she doesn't get much quality conversation out of him. Hey, come to think of it, Opal Bonfante is half Spanish.


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