World Premier

I have been invited to attend the world premier screening of a short film I am in, this Friday. Entitled "Traffic WARden," the premier will take place at the British Academy of Film and Television Arts (BAFTA), in London. "Traffic WARden" was written by Steve Hart and Benjamin Johns, and directed by Benjamin Johns. Would it surprise you if I said it starred Steve Hart? Okay, well along with starring Steve Hart, it also stars Clint Dyer and Sarah Ozeke. I don't think it would be giving too much of the plot away to say that the film deals with that omnipresent feature of totalitarian Britain, the traffic warden. For those of you not familiar with British life, a traffic warden is that scum sucking, bottom dweller of a parasite, who makes his or her living preying upon his fellow man, writing parking tickets. I am sure there is a special place reserved for them on the seventh level of hell, along with tax collectors. Why anyone would want to engage in such a despicable pursuit is beyond me, but I suppose it enables those who haven't got the balls to join the military, or become a police officers, to ponce about in a uniform.
Originally, I was sent an invitation for myself only, but yesterday, I received an updated invitation, which says I can bring a guest. This precipitated that time honored undertaking, selecting someone to take with me. Checking the social calendars of the numerous celebrities with whom I am acquainted, I quickly ruled out Jennifer Anniston, Abi Titmuss, Mel B of the Spice Girls, Vanessa from Big Brother, 2005, or the Duchess of York, Sarah Ferguson. I didn't bother asking Opal Bonfante this time, because she'd have just said no. However, sticking to Opal's advice, I decided to ask someone who's helped me in some way. I decided not to invite Tom, this time, as he got to go with me to my last freebie, the preview of "Curse of the Golden Flower" (see "Collecting My Prize," 12 April, 2007). Besides, Tom lives on the opposite side of London from me and I will be pressed for time to get to the premier after work. I decided to invite my artist friend, Jan. Last month, she treated me to an evening of theatre, so it seemed fair to return the favor. Besides, she lives near me and is willing to drive. So you see, those of you who do me favors may get your reward in this life, rather than in the next. The ironic thing in all of this is that the Duchess of York is the same age as me and we are both divorced. Also, I am not intimidated by who she is and the media attention she gets. Sarah, call me.