He Uses My Rice Cooker!

Those of you who have been keeping up with my blog, lately, know that the cold war has spread, at my house, from between me and Hitler's Nephew, to me and Nando, my racist, Italian housemate. As the two of them recreate the famous Axis alliance of World War II, I am not speaking to either of them. Hitler's Nephew started the whole thing, by stopping speaking to me. So, anyway, Sunday night, I am sitting in the lounge, watching TV, when I notice Hitler's Nephew in the kitchen. He was using my rice cooker! What cheek! (that's a wonderful British expression...cheek...in America, we'd say, "what nerve," but "what cheek" sounds so much nicer)!! If I'm not good enough to talk to, then he should keep his fat hands off my rice cooker.
In World War II, the Axis powers included Japan. My evil ex-wife, the Black Queen, could stand in for the Japanese. She is half Chinese and half English. Her English DNA mutes the traditional Chinese features in a way that might be able to be passed off as Japanese. The three of them make up the latest "Axis of Evil." Forget about Iraq, Iran, and North Korea. Look at what I've got to deal with. I must have the patience of Job. I'd rather have the money of Steve Jobs. Back to the rice cooker. What should I do to retaliate? Would peeing on his motorcycle be going too far?