Nando Blew Up Our Kitchen

Last night, I was relaxing in the lounge, watching TV. Beginning to get hunger pangs, I was waiting for Nando, my racist, Italian housemate, to finish in the kitchen, before starting to prepare my evening meal. Suddenly, I herd a loud popping noise, followed by Nando yelling, "shit!" in an Italian accent. "Are you alright," I shouted over the sound from the TV set. There was no reply. I yelled again, still nothing. Hitler's Nephew, my other housemate, looked up, but made no effort to ascertain what happened. Then Nando walked out of the kitchen and went upstairs, holding his face, but he wouldn't respond to my questions. Had an improvised explosive device (IED) gone off in the kitchen? Were we the victims of some terrorist attack? No. Nando had blown up his coffee pot.
I don't know what caused it to happen, but there were coffee grounds everywhere, in the kitchen. Eventually, Nando came back downstairs. He was fine. He'd merely gotten some coffee grounds in his eye. Fortunately, he'd not been standing closer to the pot when it blew and I wouldn't have to miss the rest of "the Family Guy," driving him to the hospital. I did have to wait an hour and a half for Nando to finish cleaning the kitchen, before I could have dinner. The top half of the pot had rocketed into the ceiling, chipping the plaster and leaving a big, brown, splash stain there. The ceiling would need to be repainted by someone, not me. Once I was assured that Nando wasn't injured, the whole thing did strike me as a bit funny. Who needs satellite TV when there's this kind of drama in the house? Eventually, I got to enjoy a steak dinner, with a jacket potato, sweetcorn, broccoli, and cauliflower. The steak was topped with fried onions and mushrooms, plus A1 steak sauce, imported from America. I washed it down with a cold, Becks beer. Life is great.

Praise For Gordon Ramsay

Tonight, I was watching TV with Nando and he was planning to watch "The F Word," starring Gordon Ramsay. If you live outside the UK and don't know who Gordon Ramsay is, he's a celebrity chef. He gave up an early football career after a couple of injuries curtailed his prospects. He hosts "Hell's Kitchen," in America, as well as "The F Word," here in the UK. Another series he has hosted in Britain is "Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares." Nando likes to watch "The F Word." One reason is most likely because Nando, himself, works as a chef. I also think Nando admires Gordon because of Ramsay's early football career. Nando loves football and also had his own prospects in the game cut short at an early age. My Italian housemate probably identifies with Gordon Ramsay.
I have watched a number of episodes of "Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares" and "The F Word," mainly because Nando had them on. I found both series entertaining, probably because I have been working in restaurants, over the past two years. For me, working in the restaurant is not a career choice, but just something I do to earn money. When Nando announced that he was going to watch "The F Word," my initial reaction was to go upstairs and go on the internet. However, when I heard a promo for the show, on the tele, I quickly changed my mind. What enticed me to a change of appetite? I heard that Girls Aloud were going to be on this episode. Everybody in the world knows I love Girls Aloud, except, probably, Girls Aloud. Besides, I have a lot of inertia and watching the program meant I could stay slumped on the settee, rather than get up and climb the stairs.
I was a little disappointed that only Cheryl Cole and Kimberley Walsh, from Girls Aloud, seemed to be appearing on camera. In fairness to Cheryl, I must say that she looked fabulous. When Cheryl told Gordon that she is a vegetarian, Ramsay jokingly responded, "didn't you get the message? Vegetarians are not welcome." The wide-eyed look on Cheryl's face was priceless. I suspect that most of the problems in the world are caused by vegetarians. When the Girls were not on screen, I alternated between monitoring the show and skimming the newspaper. Suddenly, Nando erupted into speech, like one of Vesuvius' explosions, near his hometown of Naples. If Nando was like Vesuvius, I was like Pompeii, caught unprepared for his vocal outflow. "Gordon Ramsay is the best chef in the UK," my Italian co-resident pronounced.
Quickly overcoming my shock that Nando actually spoke, un-prompted, I shot from the hip with a response, saying, "what about Jamie Oliver?"
Nando said, "Jamie Oliver is good, but not as good as Gordon Ramsay. The thing about Oliver is he can sell anything, but Gordon Ramsay is the best. Besides Ramsay and Jamie Oliver, all the rest they are crap! He used to play football, you know?" Nando probably forgot that he'd told me that before. Janet Street-Porter did a story for this episode of "The F Word," on horse meat. Other than that, it was all horses for courses. So far, none of the single members of Girls Aloud has contacted me, oddly enough.