Monday, July 31, 2006

A Single American on the Iain Lee Show

Written 25th July, 2006: Yesterday afternoon, I was listening to the 3 and 1/2 hour, 3 to 6:30, Iain Lee Afternoon Wireless Show, as usual, on LBC 97.3, London (Sky Channel 0177 or on the net: ) After a number of tries to get on, last week, and being unsuccessful, I started off this week with an appearance. Iain had this guy in America on, Hunter and a woman called in to ask if Hunter was single, because she liked the sound of him. He sounds a bit hillbilly, to me, but just as Americans aren't able to evaluate the various classes of British accents, I suppose many Brits don't know the differences in American accents. Hunter said he was about to get married. I thought this would be an ideal time to remind Iain's female audience of my existence, as I am single.
Thankfully, this time Agent Chris, Iain's producer, did call me back. While on hold to go on air, Iain was talking to Chris in the Crouch End, who was talking soe of the most bizarre stuff I have heard in a long time. Something about there being no crime on other parents and not believing in aliens, and the made my head spin. Iain asked me if I wanted to try reasoning with her. I declined. To his credit, Iain stuck with it for quite some time and it was very funny radio. Ironically, I was just in Crouch End the week before last.
Iain is a tough presenter to call, I find. He can be quick to cut one off and whatever I start out planing to talk about, he almost always ends up sidetracking me, by taking the conversation in an unexpected direction. I told him I wanted to let his female listeners know that I am a single American and I am on this side of the Atlantic. We discussed the differences in quality between British men and American men. I pointed out that American men are more attentive and gentlemanly to women. He seemed to acknowledge that, but claimed it makes us sound desperate. After reminding him that he said he finds my voice "scary," which he re-confirmed, I then informed him that Opal Bonfante has described my voice as "overtly sexual." That slowed Iain down a bit, as he lustfully described Opal as "lovely." Mentioning a pretty woman is always a good way for me to slow Iain down. Several months ago, I had admitted on Iain's show that I fancied Habiba, a regular caller to his show. I reminded Iain of this. On Sunday night, I found out that, as I suspected, Habiba is Indian, so I told Iain I am partial to Indian women. I then asked him if he had noticed that Habiba never calls when I am on Iain's show? He suggested that I should take the hint.
Just then, Habiba was put on with me, for the first time. Now, it's funny, but this exact scenario was discussed in an Iain Lee forum a couple of Sundays ago, where someone suggested I tell Habiba I fancy her. I did just that. Habiba said she had previously been married to a New Yorker, but it didn't work out. Iain jumped on that and said I was off to a bad start. Habiba countered that all New Yorkers are not the same and seemed to soften her voice as she defended me a bit, to Iain. I mentioned that she used to live in Queens. She asked, "how did you know that?" I pointed out that she had said so on Iain's show, before. She then said she had lived in Jamaica. I told her I grew up in Hempstead, which is only seven miles east of Jamaica, Queens, but she wasn't familiar with it. She then started rabbiting on with Iain, so he sent me on my way. Habiba is a female undertaker, with a somewhat husky voice. Iain likes to tease her that she sounds like a man. I think guys are just dying to meet her.


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