My Mother is Alive!

Last night, I tried calling my mother, again. This time, she answered. Well, the phone stopped ringing and I could hear someone pick up the receiver, at the other end. I said, "hello?" The person at the other end said nothing. I repeated, "hello, hello, hello?" several times. No reply. My mother was playing her silly phone games, again. Finally, I said, "Joanne?" That's her name.
She responded. "Who is this?"
"It's Joseph," I said.
"Why didn't you say my name right away?" she asked.
"I thought you'd recognize my voice." Gee, my own mother doesn't recognize my voice?
"I've been receiving a lot of harassing phone calls, lately," she explained. "Someone even called, asking for you. So, how are things with you?"
"Pretty good, but I've been going out of my mind. I thought you might be sick, or dead. I sent you a letter almost two months ago, asking you to send my helmet, but, when there was no response, I started worrying." I hoped my explanation would justify my disregarding my mother's request that I not call her anymore. Over a year ago, my mother asked me not to call her, because she claimed it caused her stress. I have pretty much complied with that request, writing letters and sending cards, instead. Sending a letter to her, via old fashioned "snail mail," is a royal pain in the ass. As it's international, I end up needing to visit the post office. That means a trip into town. It would be so much easier if she'd get used to using the internet. If she had an email address, I'd send her email all the time. Thankfully, she didn't seem annoyed that I had called. She seemed in quite a good mood. "When you didn't send the helmet, I started worrying," I continued explaining, more in relief than a serious thought that she didn't get the picture.
"I've gotten a box for it," she said, "but I've been wondering whether I should put bubble wrap around it, or just wrap it with newspapers. Does it cost a lot to send a package to England?"
"Ma, I don't know. It shouldn't cost much." Always worrying about money, my mother. It had been a little over a year since I have talked with her the last time, so I was prepared to indulge her in whatever conversational topics she wanted. I began telling he about all that has happened to me, lately. She spent a lot of time talking about diet and health. She was excited that she'd lost weight and lowered her cholesterol. Now, she wants to send me and Nando some drink mix that's supposed to help you lose weight and lower cholesterol. It's the drink that has helped her get results. She ends up keeping me on the phone for about two hours. As she lives alone and doesn't have many friends, she doesn't get to talk to people, much. I think she's missed having conversations, as she talked to me for ages. No arguing, no stress...a lot of crap about this drink mix, though. In the end, she never mentioned the fact that I have broken her ban on calling. Maybe even she realises, now, that it's not worth it. Having broken the ban, I will start calling regularly, again. Now, if only I can get her to answer the phone, without playing hide and seek games.